By Jane Gordon Julien
September 1, 2025
Today, even though it’s Labor Day and I should probably be talking about the origins of Labor Day, which I swear I did look up because I always forget, I wanted to have a discussion about boys instead.
Boys who are now men, and the violence we have seen from too many of them.
This past month, one boy, 23, whose name was Robin Westman, killed two children by shooting through the windows of a Minneapolis church. He injured 15 others, then killed himself.
That same month, another boy, Shane Tamura, 27, drove from Las Vegas to Manhattan, New York, strolled across a midtown plaza, and shot to death four strangers. Then he killed himself.
People who track these events have recorded at least 41 mass shootings in the month of August alone in the United States. Forty-one. Some are domestic incidents of murder-suicide. Some are gang-related. Many are random. Your chances, and mine, of getting shot by a stranger are as high as they have ever been.
The common denominator here is young men. Not young women. Not older women or men. Young men.
The New York Times ran a story in this past Sunday’s paper written by two men who have studied what they are calling ‘The Boy Crisis’. It’s worth reading:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/15/opinion/men-boys-crisis-progressive-era.html
And here are the fascinating comments that followed, some by folks who have written other studies of boys and come to other conclusions, and some by parents who have seen their boys change by taking them out of their existing environments. Here’s that link (I know, I know, I’m asking you to do a bit of reading this morning!):
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/30/opinion/boys-crisis-2025.html
I have a son who is shy, my youngest. He also came out as gay in college, which presented even more social challenges for him. But when we lived in Connecticut, after he had graduated college and was working, he joined the Hartford Gay Men’s Chorus. A world of friendship – and singing, which is known to make people happier – opened up for him. He joined a gay dodgeball league. He joined and joined and joined, and he met good, kind people. Joining is an answer.
If you read the Times article, you’ll find that the boy crisis of the early 1900s, that mirrors in many ways the crisis we are facing now, answered those problems by creating organizations that boys could join, make friends, and find purpose.
Loneliness afflicts millions of Americans of all genders and ages, but I don’t see 80-year-olds picking up guns and splattering the streets of America with blood. The violence that occurs when our boys are aimless, listless, and lonely happens because those boys don’t know what to do with their anger and sadness. They take it out on others, and finally, they take it out on themselves.
I am pushing for my son to start a softball league in the town we live in. He has seen what joining did for him, and even though his work hours are erratic and he’s still somewhat shy, I know he can do it. He’s a sports fan, he’s organized, and when he sets his mind to it, he’s committed. He has yet to see the power that he can have if he takes one small step toward community and inclusion, which are already so important to someone like him.
I’m going to end with a piece by Anne Lamott, sent to me by a thoughtful friend. Anne Lamott is always a comfort, even as she provokes us to think about what we are doing and the ways we are doing it:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/29/opinion/minneapolis-school-shooting.html
After all that reading, I hope you get to take a rest this Labor Day. That’s the essential point of it.
And let me know what you think of ‘The Boy Crisis’ and its suggested solutions. And write! It’s good for the soul, good for conversation, good for your head.